Secret Boy

I like saying your name when I don't feel good.... It's like the echo of a ripple swelling, when a drop of water hits the soft glassy face of a still pond on a wind-hungry day.
I just fantasize about crushing your lips with mine. The thought of not meeting you makes me feel like someone kicked my dreams in the face.
I have to tell myself that anything too good to be true is just that, because the thought of us rolling around together in wildflowers is just too good.
I want to worship you for days, on endless clouds of pillows and sunshine blankets daily and moon kissed sweat, so sweet, throughout our nightly dreams. Fairies must dance at your feet on your giddiest day, for your smile is as enchanting and spell binding as the allure of a waterfall mirage in the desert.
I am caught in your rapture, your tangled web of blissful torment.
You are a gorgeous silver star with Carmel Coffee eyes and ruby satin lips that could slay my breathless wishes of bliss.

I surrender, reluctant yet unrelenting, softly repenting.... Please have mercy on my shell of a device- made to destroy or replenish my beating life source.
I defy my harsh nature to fight you or this force of attraction. I beg of you to agree, it's true, the only thing worth breaking, is seemingly what its made for.
I have found my warrior in you. I will bare you the greatest future of love, truth and ecstasy, that only the gods have had the courage to seek out.

The Huntress and the Hunter

Like a warm breeze interrupting the birth of a chilled moonrise, the force in you could be the force in me.

Fragile reflections of each other’s light, dubbing our counterpart's actions with accents of what seems to be missing in the alternate ‘same’. What if I could make your green side grow greener?? What if I could take your tattered straw and spin it into fine spools of heart-gold?? Thus, adding to our glistening territory, would you be surprised?

I am the HUNTRESS and you are the HUNTER. Side by side, we are abundance at its core. “Mere Survival” is a phrase weaned from the vocabulary of minds such as ours. Beasts rush to conceal themselves at the first sight of MY bow and YOUR arrow. Sacred winged spirits take refuge amongst our shadows, as it is the only safe haven for virtue in such a tainted, cruel jungle of a world. Such an awakening has all the energetic creations in a fury of folly and mania. The quickening is upon the hunted, and soon we shall feast!! Perhaps our self-prevailing wheels of fortune shall begin to turn. The forecast tells of blissfull splendor and opportunity with a chance of true contentment on even the cloudiest of days.

To be continued.....

Walls....

Walls are born of fear. They have roots that reach deep beneath our true selves. These walls can hold us up, but they hold us back. They can hold strong, and these walls can crack. The world is so lonely in the essence of what these walls lack. How can I stand here in this secret garden under attack, yet feel such emptiness in this shelter-less shack? We try to get out and get hurt, so we keep runnin’ back.


Walls that hold you captive in your own torment... Saturated sorrow overflowing the dams you've built to keep the flow down. Because you cannot swim, you run from the haunting and pain. Breathless, sore and exasperated at times from the chase. "When it rains, it pours", and there is always a flood. Before you drown in the seas of self realization, you manage to retreat to your newly constructed walls with bricks of pity and self importance. A place where the very symbols of self encroaching preliminal icons, black hooded, masked consorts adorned with your sparkling fears, stulitified around the church for which you worship them. Tactile demons rising above the floors of true grounding. Suddenly, the assylum built to protect, to be your sanctuary, is crumbling now. Could your fate be awash? Will you now die of self-defeat? You are a fetus in the self enclaved womb; supposed nurturer, yet it sucks the very life force within you, engorging itself as you flail in your new found placenta of paranoia. Can you Breathe?


The earth shivers and quakes with disapproval,
and deities are returned to their pedestals.
Fractions of sunlight beam through the cracks,
That must be sign of something gold held in,
or something gold held back.
Will these same walls give safety under attack?

Brick by brick, we lay it on thick,
our cement torment.
We let it sink, let it sit.

But what are we even writing on these walls??
Are we even learning our lessons at all?
Isn't it evident that all Humpty-Dumpty ever did was fall?
Do you think we will ever really reach the sky?
Do you think we can just keep patching all the holes that vie?
Tell me now, are we shackled for our coming lives to be?
I just want them to all come down, sometimes,
I just want to see me for me.
We need to see YOU, as well,
in all your splendor, in all your original peace.
We must tear down these hardened blankets of security,
these heavy, hunched, chains of tether.
What are walls???
Walls are what keep us apart, they've blocked us, too long, from growing together.

Counterfiet Star

Hands fumbling, eyes averted,
Face blank with purpose, so uncertain.

Poise broken, unspoken
Lame excuses at the hip.
Caution rides, intention hides
It just kicks in, to Get A Grip...

You are ripped and I am torn;
Things familiar, always noted from afar.
Factual or not, a "Lost Boy" is what you are.

So dangle there, in your existence,
Pretending you're a star.

I'll move forward, toward winds of life,
For Nature, Light, and Love;
I wont stop for anything, except to look ABOVE.

I'm so moved, I stay driven,
I fly with faith in hand-my only wheel,
Reving engines, fueled with passion,
High in my cloud nine, karmatic steel.

I'm strapped in, as I hold on tight,
A traveling Gypsy in the night....
Road to road and feelin' tipsy,
I have no fear, "The Unknown" gets me.

Now back to you, don't be blue,
I shouldn't assume that you COULD see;
So run along now, follow Pan!
Add yourself to the scene,
Of what you wish you COULD be.

Lonliest Girl In NorCal

So many faces... Even more are the voices; each vying for my attention, yet it seems I am often the loneliest girl in NorCal. The kind of lonely that echoes even when I'm in a room filled with laughing spirits and dancing souls. The kind of lonely that lingers under my thoughts, while in mid conversation with a good friend. The kind of lonely that flows through my body, as I dance in my own lil space in the corner of the club; casting off the smooth glances from others, letting their pointing comments roll off my back like that of raindrops on a bird's feathers. The kind of lonely that makes every compliment handed to my ears, sound complacent and fake, pale, almost see-through.
Even when genuine feelings are displayed, I feel like a mother shaking her head to the knowing of what's best, coupled with advice; persuading this person to check their own place within their vision of truth. Maybe it is, I, who is out of place?? Or so, that is what sifts through my set of inadequacies within, before I dismiss yet another advance from the opposite sex. A person as loving and understanding as myself, starts to stare at the image created within and wonder "whats wrong with me?" Do I believe I am somehow better than the generous souls, approaching my lonely shell, only to find me empty and unavailable??
Many times, I am grateful for the ability to cast such a shadow upon the other goddesses in the room-on the regular, and to not fall into the care of what another may think of me. Other times, the term "PRUDE" ricochets off of my inner reflections; before being dismissed as a self-loathing thought, known to be a lie. Why should I settle for something unquenching and under satisfying; when I have so diligently, woven such fine threads of gold, intertwined and bound, with my ideas on the material needed to create a strong, independent woman?? Are these conceited veins which flow through my earthly vessel? Or simply common sense, that few are worthy and and even less are deserving of my warmth and reality? All the while, I continue to sleep alone in a seemingly forlorn existence....
the loneliest girl in NorCal.